Most of us have been there.
You’re somewhere where you can’t smoke. Maybe you’re visiting your parents (or still living with them). Maybe you live in a legal cannabis state, but your apartment building doesn’t allow smoking. Or maybe you’re in an upscale (or decent) hotel with a strict no-smoking policy.
For whatever reason, you can’t go outside for a few tokes, either. There might be nowhere to avoid prying eyes, or it may be too cold out.
You have no other viable option. It’s the bathroom.
But how do you smoke weed in a bathroom without anyone knowing?
First, calm down. It’s doable. Second, read on.
Even if you enjoy the process of rolling and smoking joints, or you wouldn’t be caught without your trusty piece, they’re not the best choices for surreptitious smoking.
Your best bet, of course, is to stock up on edibles. No smoke, no smell, no muss, no fuss.
That doesn’t work for everyone, since you have to plan ahead before getting high on an edible. It will generally take anywhere from 30-60 minutes for an edible to kick in.
The best fallback approach is to be armed with a vape pen. But not just any vape pen.
Most stoners know that vaping flowers produces a less-noticeable odor than smoking them. However, it still produces that telltale bud aroma when you vape. Even more troublesome might be the smell of the weed as you break it up to fill the vape pen.
What you really need is an oil or dab pen.
Using an oil cartridge is the least-detectable way of smoking up. It’s not completely odorless, particularly if you’re taking huge tokes, but the smell goes away a lot faster than it does when you’re vaping flowers. If you’re satisfied taking small hits right near the window, the vapor will leave very little smell behind.
A dab pen is the next best choice. It will leave the bathroom smelling like weed a little longer than oil will, but it’s a much less potent odor than smoking will create. Stick with crumble or shatter; soft dabs create a danker smell. (Using a dab rig will put you into almost the same territory as smoking because the bigger clouds and butane smell will stink up the room pretty quickly.)
If you haven’t planned ahead, don’t lose hope. Many people regularly use their bedroom or a bathroom as their private smoking haven.
How to Smoke Weed In The Bedroom
Assuming you’re fortunate to have a window in the room where you plan to smoke, you can use the simple method that high schoolers have used for ages (for cigarettes as well as weed): hold the joint outside of the window, and exhale into the open air.
If you have a window fan (or even a computer fan that you can tuck in between the window and window sill), exhaling through the fan helps even more. That way there’s no chance the smoke will blow right back into your room. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s better than nothing.
If you don’t have a window, another common approach is to use a sploof. Ever heard of this stoner hack?
A sploof is simple to make:
- Take an empty paper towel or toilet paper roll, and stuff it with dryer sheets and Kleenex. If you can get enough dryer sheets to fill the roll, that’s better than using tissue.
- Take two more dryer sheets and use them to cover one end of the roll, holding them in place with an elastic band.
- Now, when you take a hit, exhale into the sploof instead of into the air. Almost all of the smoke will “disappear.”
You probably realize the problem right away: the burning weed will still skunk up your room. The smell won’t be as bad as it would be when you’re also exhaling into the room, but it’s certainly not optimal.
Needless to say, lighting a candle or incense can help. It’s even better if you have a really good air purifier — not one of those things you plug into the wall, a real one with a charcoal or HEPA filter.
But the best solution is to smoke your weed in the bathroom.
How to Smoke Weed Inside The Bathroom
Before you turn on the shower, we should mention that it makes sense to use a candle or an air purifier in the bathroom, too. Every little bit helps. Incidentally, this technique is sometimes known as a “Hawaiian Hotbox.”
- Start by getting your flower and smoking device ready. You can certainly use your favorite bowl, but rolling a joint is easier and leaves no evidence behind. You just flush the roach and walk away.
- Next, stuff a towel tightly under the door so no smoke or odor can escape.
- Time for the shower. Turn the water on, and run it as hot as possible. Don’t worry about getting burned, since you won’t be getting in. The idea is to create as much steam in the bathroom as possible.
- Also, turn on the room’s exhaust fan (if there is one) and crack a window (if there is one) about 4 inches. Air from outside will help the steam absorb the smoke, so the fan can whisk them away together. If there’s no window, still run the fan.
- Wait until the steam is as thick as possible, usually about five minutes or so. Light up. Enjoy.
- Clean up and keep the hot water running until all of the smoke in the room is gone.
- Shower if you’d like; just be sure to turn down the water temperature before you get in. Not only will showering remove the weed smell from your body, but wet hair can also help you sell your story if you’re trying to hide your smoking from other people.
There’s actually a bonus to smoking in a steamy bathroom. Heat increases blood circulation in the body, so you might get more wasted than usual, and the high may peak faster than usual.
Here’s the best part. If no one can smell what you’re doing in the bathroom, you’re golden. Being able to “spend quality time in the powder room” eliminates the need to regularly head outside for a “quick walk.”
How to Smoke Weed in The Bathroom? FAQ
Q: Isn’t there any equipment designed to make it easier to smoke indoors without anyone knowing?
A: There’s something called a “Genius Pipe” which not only filters the smoke (without water) to make it cooler, but has a “sponge” inside that absorbs most of the odor. There are also personal air filters on the market that act something like a sploof; you exhale into them and they absorb the odor before releasing clean air. The pipe is pretty expensive, but the air filters are relatively cheap.
Q: Does something like Febreze help?
A: To an extent, but Febreze and similar products just mask the smell of weed. When they wear off, the smell often remains — and the fact that you’re regularly using Febreze may be suspicious by itself. “Odor eliminator” products work a little better, but still aren’t foolproof.
Q: What about perfume?
A: It’s much like Febreze; it masks the scent but doesn’t eliminate it. Here’s one more stoner hack: fresh popcorn. It not only overpowers any leftover weed odor, but it smells so good that people stop wondering what you’ve been doing and ask if there’s any popcorn left.